Living from One Obsession to Another .

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I’m the kind of person who lives for things or people. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember. My mind, my energy, my everything – gets entirely consumed by whatever I’m invested in at the moment. Whether it’s a person, a hobby, or an idea, I dive in headfirst, losing myself completely in the process.

For the past eight months, my obsession has been cybersecurity. It’s not that I just started exploring cybersecurity; I’ve been in this field for four years. But something shifted. After my last obsession ended , whatever it was at that time , cybersecurity took its place as the new focal point of my life. It’s like my mind picked it as the next thing to feed on, and now, it’s all I breathe, think, and dream about.

This pattern isn’t new to me. I’ve always lived from one obsession to another. When one ends, another inevitably begins. I don’t know why I’m like this. Maybe it’s just how I’m wired, or maybe it’s my brain’s way of coping with life , giving me a singular focus, a purpose, even if it’s fleeting.

One thing I’ve realized is that my brain doesn’t multitask well. When I’m consumed by something, everything else fades into the background. It’s not that I don’t care about other things; it’s that I can’t seem to care about them with the same intensity when my mind is fixated on something else.

The more I think about it, the more I feel that obsession is a synonym for love – perhaps the closest synonym. When I’m focused, it’s not just an interest or a fleeting desire; it’s an all-encompassing passion, a devotion that consumes my thoughts and emotions. Obsession, much like love, is about giving yourself completely to something or someone. It’s about caring so deeply that it becomes a part of who you are.

Living like this has its ups and downs. On one hand, it means I give my all to whatever or whoever is at the center of my attention. I master skills, form deep connections, and feel a sense of purpose that’s hard to describe. On the other hand, it’s exhausting. The highs are high, but the lows . There’s always a void, a sense of aimlessness until something new comes along to fill it.

I don’t know if I’ll ever change. Maybe I don’t even want to. It’s not perfect, it’s not balanced, but it’s mine. This way of living, though chaotic, is the only way I know how to truly feel alive. It’s who I am – a person who lives for the things or people that matter to me , even if it’s just for a while.