What Is Healing for You?

Are we lying to ourselves?

I had a very beautiful relationship that lasted about a year or so. And I don’t know what happened, but we are not together anymore. Now, I keep hearing about something called the “healing phase.”

I am very new to this, and I have a habit of questioning things, so I ask: What is healing?

From the people around me, I have been told it’s about forgetting the past, deleting photos, going out with friends, and doing something that will make you feel distracted.

Distracted? Isn’t that temporary? Distraction ends, right?

My friends try their best to keep me distracted. They keep inviting me to random parties, offering alcohol , cigarettes, and trying to keep me in a zone where I feel detached. But that is not me. I distance myself from what people around me are offering these days. Just to forget someone, how can I destroy my ethics and rules? I was never a party person. I rarely drink. I don’t smoke. And the intoxication these things provide is temporary anyway.

I have thought about this a lot. I feel like I am trying to look or act as if I am distracted or as if I don’t give a fuck. But for how long can I lie to myself? Is it right?

The person I was with was the first and last person I loved. Why should I forget her? Why should I delete her presence from my life? Even if we never talk again, her memories, her things – they are heaven for me. She may or may not stay with me, but her memories will. Her voice will. Her scent will. Because that is love.

Healing feels like giving myself a daily dose of degeneracy, making myself a little more corrupt. Yes, that may feel like fun, but is that really me? Is that what I want to do? Maybe others can. I am not built that way. I tried, but I cannot keep lying to my soul. I still miss her. I still pray for her well-being. I still sketch her. I still love her.

It’s not difficult for me to start talking or dating someone else. Not to brag, but where I stand career-wise and financially, I have all the freedom in the world to do that. But I never will. The pampering, the love, even the anger inside me – it’s all for her. And just for her.

Yes, my previous one had a lot of flaws, a lot. But how does that even matter? She is still the same for me. Even my dad has flaws – does that mean I will distance myself from him? Never. He is mine, with those flaws.

Because that is what love is. You accept a person in your life with both their pros and cons.

I have never lost in my life, and I will not lose in love. It is such an average thing to be – a loser in love. Look around, and you will find 90% of people are losers in love. I will keep my patience. I believe in Krishna.

Healing, for me, is sitting down and talking about issues. Solving them slowly but surely. No matter how damaged something is, it can always be fixed. That is what the soul wants, and that is the right path forward.

But the ball isn’t in my court, and I will just sit here patiently.

Not because I believe in her.

I believe in the love I have for her.